Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
