I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
