Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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