There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
