I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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