you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
