shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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