my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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