haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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