So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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