i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
