Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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