I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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