This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
