Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
