Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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