im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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