Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
