He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
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Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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