i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
