we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize