we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
