i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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