I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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