Pappa wants mamma naked
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
even my farts smell like vagina
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
