just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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