Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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