Your mouth is God's brothel.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
