I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
