mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
