If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
