Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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