my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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