she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
