I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
