I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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