are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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