the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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