Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
