it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
