so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
