she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
