I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
