dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
