so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
