How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dicks are not precious.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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