no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
