What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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