If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
