Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize