I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
