She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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