he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize