Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize