i permit you to call me
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
