it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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