I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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