Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
