I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I need to calm my uterus...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
