You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
