Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
