I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
