i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
