I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
A+ Viking dick
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