Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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