So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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