At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
