How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
