I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
