everyone is single if you try hard enough
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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