I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
