Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
