So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
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She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
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Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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