Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize