God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
