Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
