Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
