i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
