Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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