It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
