it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
