Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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