I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Success! We fucked roommates!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
