Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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