fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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