Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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