Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
