U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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