i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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