i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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