and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
